He’s a co-founder of the proudly amateur sporting outfit, the Hendrick’s XI. He currently sits fifth on the club’s all-time run-scoring charts. And he’s completed more innings than all but one batsman on that hallowed list, with a strike rate proudly in the low double-digits. He is, of course, James Hewlett – a man less formally but more frequently known as ‘Big V’ (tastefully pictured above clutching numerous straws and jugs of margarita).
A mainstay of a highly unstable batting line-up for almost a decade, his consistent performances have become frequent fixtures of many narrow victories and crushing defeats. We caught up with him to hear just how he does it in five simple steps (or, the 'Big V from the Big V', for the fans of roman numeral-based puns among you). Enjoy.
I. Leave
Although a casual Remain voter, when it comes to the crease Big V is firmly on the other end of the spectrum. Not every ball needs to be hit. In fact, the fewer balls that come into contact with bat, the better. Even in T20s. Actually, especially in T20s, where a strike rate of 15.8 should be nothing to be ashamed of. Not only does this greatly reduce the chances of being dismissed, it also adds a gentlemanly, Test Match atmosphere to proceedings. A much-needed touch of class in these worrying days of loudly attired franchises and 100-ball cricket.
II. Defend
A logical follow-on to Rule #1: a good defence is often the best offence. As the old saying doesn’t quite go. If a stroke must be played, make sure you bust out a big Forward D (the ‘D’ being colloquially deployed here to represent defensive, not drive, just to clear up any lingering misapprehensions). Again, we must emphasise that this is strictly a last resort if Rule #1 cannot be followed. Or to put it more simply by borrowing from 2004 comedy classic DodgeBall, the approved order should always run: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Defend.
III. Charge
If runs must be scored – and we really do stress the word ‘must’ – then a disproportionately aggressive approach to running between the wickets should always be adopted. Sadly, plundering quick singles is a crafty enterprise that not all in the team will be cut out for. The Big V-approved response? A rapid, energetic charge bordering on the suicidal, reminiscent of the British Army’s catastrophic military action of 1854 – the Charge of the Light Brigade – when light calvary were erroneously dispatched to take on heavy field artillery.
IV. Remonstrate
In the likely event of your batting partner failing to adhere to Rule #3, you may feel overwhelmed by the urge to let them know just how disappointed you are by their efforts. This is understandable and we encourage you to vocally express these feelings in short, violent outbursts. You may received bemused, shocked looks from your teammates – fear not! That only means your loud, angry tantrum is having the desired effect. If they don’t respond in the expected fashion, remind them – with a strong air of condescension – that feedback is a gift to be warmly received.
V. Reinforce
Over the years you may have fallen into the trap of thinking cricket is exclusively an on-field pursuit. But the real battles – both mental and physical – happen off it. When it comes to your teammates, never underestimate the importance of post-match (or, indeed, pre- and mid-match) negative reinforcement. This is a vital tool in the batsman’s armoury, so communicate exactly how, when and why they have let you down. That goes for umpiring, too. Dodgy LBW decision? Marginal run-out sportingly given in favour of the opposition? Let them know about it. There is no infraction too small, no injustice too minor that they shouldn’t feel the full force of your wrath.
Then simply repeat Rules #1 to 5 ad nauseam until your technical and psychological victories are complete and triumph sustained for many conflict-riddled years to come. Congratulations on taking the first step to becoming a more well-rounded and controversial cricketer.
A mainstay of a highly unstable batting line-up for almost a decade, his consistent performances have become frequent fixtures of many narrow victories and crushing defeats. We caught up with him to hear just how he does it in five simple steps (or, the 'Big V from the Big V', for the fans of roman numeral-based puns among you). Enjoy.
I. Leave
Although a casual Remain voter, when it comes to the crease Big V is firmly on the other end of the spectrum. Not every ball needs to be hit. In fact, the fewer balls that come into contact with bat, the better. Even in T20s. Actually, especially in T20s, where a strike rate of 15.8 should be nothing to be ashamed of. Not only does this greatly reduce the chances of being dismissed, it also adds a gentlemanly, Test Match atmosphere to proceedings. A much-needed touch of class in these worrying days of loudly attired franchises and 100-ball cricket.
II. Defend
A logical follow-on to Rule #1: a good defence is often the best offence. As the old saying doesn’t quite go. If a stroke must be played, make sure you bust out a big Forward D (the ‘D’ being colloquially deployed here to represent defensive, not drive, just to clear up any lingering misapprehensions). Again, we must emphasise that this is strictly a last resort if Rule #1 cannot be followed. Or to put it more simply by borrowing from 2004 comedy classic DodgeBall, the approved order should always run: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Defend.
III. Charge
If runs must be scored – and we really do stress the word ‘must’ – then a disproportionately aggressive approach to running between the wickets should always be adopted. Sadly, plundering quick singles is a crafty enterprise that not all in the team will be cut out for. The Big V-approved response? A rapid, energetic charge bordering on the suicidal, reminiscent of the British Army’s catastrophic military action of 1854 – the Charge of the Light Brigade – when light calvary were erroneously dispatched to take on heavy field artillery.
IV. Remonstrate
In the likely event of your batting partner failing to adhere to Rule #3, you may feel overwhelmed by the urge to let them know just how disappointed you are by their efforts. This is understandable and we encourage you to vocally express these feelings in short, violent outbursts. You may received bemused, shocked looks from your teammates – fear not! That only means your loud, angry tantrum is having the desired effect. If they don’t respond in the expected fashion, remind them – with a strong air of condescension – that feedback is a gift to be warmly received.
V. Reinforce
Over the years you may have fallen into the trap of thinking cricket is exclusively an on-field pursuit. But the real battles – both mental and physical – happen off it. When it comes to your teammates, never underestimate the importance of post-match (or, indeed, pre- and mid-match) negative reinforcement. This is a vital tool in the batsman’s armoury, so communicate exactly how, when and why they have let you down. That goes for umpiring, too. Dodgy LBW decision? Marginal run-out sportingly given in favour of the opposition? Let them know about it. There is no infraction too small, no injustice too minor that they shouldn’t feel the full force of your wrath.
Then simply repeat Rules #1 to 5 ad nauseam until your technical and psychological victories are complete and triumph sustained for many conflict-riddled years to come. Congratulations on taking the first step to becoming a more well-rounded and controversial cricketer.