Full to the brim with cricketing talent, the Hendrick's XI have an embarrassment of riches to call upon. Below is a guide to our current and past embarrassments.
Tim Saunders - So the fable goes following a resounding win on Brian Lara cricket, slightly tipsy from the victory and his breakfast Gin & Tonic and buoyed by the uplifting background tones of Groove Armada, Saunders was convinced that he could recreate the graceful cover drives of computerised Ian Bell, despite a distinct lack of previous ‘real world’ cricketing experience, proclaiming “Wickers, V, Quest- we shall start a cricket team!”. Saunders has cemented his place in the top order as a reliable run-provider, benefiting from a number of loan moves to clubs in deepest darkest Oxfordshire. Saunders also chips in as one of the ever-rotating wicketkeepers for the team, with an unusual yet effective keeping technique that makes byes improbable and catches at least possible. Tim decided to take up a doctoring position in darkest, farthest Scotland in 2021, and thus makes only occasional appearances in the Hendrick's colours. When he plays, however, he plays. And we look forward to more squandered caught behinds in the season to come.
The Big V (James Hewlett) - Having spent much of his adolescence confined to the scoring huts of the Welsh cricketing leagues, Hewlett was only too keen to take to the pitch but has not lost his passion for score booking and has made the role of club statistician his own. A steady batsman, nudging and nurdling the ball around, it was some innings into his Hendrick’s career that he achieved the feat of hitting the ball off the wicket. More recent net sessions however have shown a more expressive and expansive style akin to the modern style of play, crashing and careering the ball about. Pads off and ball in hand Hewlett has bowled some memorable spells and topped the averages on the 2014 tour, perplexing batsmen not only with seam movement but also through emitting a number of grunts and groans on release adding to those famous deliveries such as Murali’s doosra and Warne’s flipper, Hewlett’s James Brown ball. Waaaaaah.
Qas Khattak - A new addition for the 2015 season, Khattak joined the team with whispers around the dressing room that he was this rarest of creatures to sport the Hendrick’s floppy - a genuine cricketer, with an enviable cricketing claim to fame of being the youngest player to hit a century in his county’s league. Perhaps the most versatile cricketer in the team as a batsman, spinner, seamer and a highly talented fielder, surprisingly his crowning moment of the tour came off the field in the form of a moving duet of Oasis’ Don’t Look Back in Anger as the sunset on the weekend’s cricketing escapades that left not a single dry eye within earshot. We shan’t ever look back in anger Qas, never.
Oli May - A fiery redhead, Oli fulfils the "Ben Stokes" role of the team, by providing reliable medium pace in the middle overs and frequently hitting the ball a lot further than any of us are ever likely to. He once completed an innings in near pitch black darkness, returning to the pavilion claiming to have hit a very well constructed 48; unwilling to engage in an argument with such a muscular man, Big V simply penned the score in to the book. A qualified barrister, Oli is also in the team in case the Hendrick's drinks company ever wish to discuss the legal implications of appropriating a registered brand name.
Tom Metcalf - Tom joined the Hendrick's XI as part of a frantic bout of recruitment that took place in the team's third year of existence, following the loss of some key players. He adds variety to the team's bowling attack with his wobbly left-arm seamers, and variety to the team's batting line up with his ability to play a forward defensive. Famed for his "keepie-uppie" approach to catches, Tom is unafraid to put his notoriously tough ankles to use in the field, and provides an aggressively chipper voice when other members of the team find themselves daydreaming.
Simon Minchinton - With us from the start, Simon quickly established himself the position of fielding all-rounder within the team through a number of acrobatic performances in the point/gully region, although really simply being able to both throw and catch put him well above many others in the field. Once famed for eschewing the more traditional forms of sporting footwear and opting to play in flip-flops, it subsequently emerged that this was not the daring fashion statement that had been assumed by his team mates, rather due to a spot of gout on his right foot, he now dazzles and amazes those who stay for the post match revelry with his vocal performances from a back-catalogue ranging from Michael Buble to Cindy Lauper.
Ross "WG" Quest - They say that no man is an island. This is incorrect. Like Andy Flower in the Zimbabwe team of the 90s or Shiv Chanderpaul in the post-Lara Windies team, Ross is an island of actual (as opposed to entirely imagined) cricketing ability and experience, awash in an ocean of stick swinging and pie chucking incompetence. However, despite repeatedly performing under pressure with the bat, Ross repeatedly crumbles under pressure with the ball and has been responsible for at least two shoulder strains as umpires repeatedly struggled to spread their arms. Ross is also one of the team's coterie of wicketkeepers. Like the bassline in the Talking Heads' Psycho Killer, Ross was there at the beginning and is the foundation on which our humble team is built. We love him dearly.
Ajay Shah - Another one of the originals, ‘The Shah-man’ has cemented his place in the team to the extent that he needn’t give any indication of his attendance at games. Ajay once established himself as the opening bowler for the team, delivering numerous spells of consistent line and length bowling on that nagging off stump line. Against fierce competition, he's also made the no.11 position his own and rarely looks less comfortable than when holding a bat. Legend has it that he is unable to bowl sober, although we've never actually put that theory to the test. Regrettably he sustained a series of injuries in the late 2010's that prevented him reaching his full, dizzyingly high potential. However, he completed his typically majestic comeback by achieving 2020's coveted Bowler of the Year accolade. A new chapter was added in 2022, as he arrived post-inspirational nets session, with an extra yard of pace. Quite the turn up for the books and an absolutely necessary addition to the bowling attack.
Henry Wickham-Smith - One of the founding fathers, it was once thought that "Trigger" Wickers held the distinction of playing in every game of the club's illustrious history. Sadly, since official records don't go back that far, this will remain mere conjecture. What is certain is that after six years with the club, he produced the most astonishing moment in Hendrick's history, when, despite having already contributed his customary annual single, he doubled his total career runs in one fell swoop, hitting a towering six back over the bowler's head. Previously a medium-slow pacer of nagging line and length, Henry now bowls a slow pace on a variable line and wildly unpredictable length. His write ups of club activities are legendary and can be sampled on the "History" section of the website (if you have 9 hours to spare). Despite being the most athletic member of the team, Henry regularly forgets this when fielding and has garnered a reputation for using a range of body parts not traditionally associated with catching or stopping.
Ravi Patel - Once described as 'deceptively effective', Ravi's slingy action and knack of 'making something happen', have made him the Hendrick's equivalent (i.e. lower quality) of Ravi Bopara. Not sure how we came up with that metaphor. For the past few years Ravi's bowling has been a major asset to Hendrick's captains craving a key breakthrough. However, his extraordinary umpiring decisions have also meant that on many occasions he's provided the opposition with a key breakthrough - the mere sight of him donning a white coat can reinvigorate and provide new hope to a previously flagging fielding side. Miraculously, and given the absence of video evidence, somewhat unbelievably, he claims to have dismissed Eoin Morgan in a charity match - once you've seen him bowl, we'll let you decide whether to believe him!
Ed Robinson - When Ed first appeared on the Hendrick's XI radar, we were extremely excited to discover that he owned both a car and a legal driving licence. You can barely imagine our excitement when it also transpired that he could play cricket. Bowling with pace and accuracy not seen in a Hendrick's shirt since the days of the legendary Bilal, James G and Ed formed the spearhead of the Hendrick's bowling attack for the golden years of 2017-2019; frequently conning opposition teams into believing that the rest of the bowling attack would be equally dangerous and difficult to get away. Ed bats like a golfer who has left everything but his 3-wood at home and - when he connects - hits the ball just as far. Sadly, he has since moved to "Cambridge", a little-known backwater with an apparently passable community college. He insists he will make sporadic returns, but at the time of writing, the team have been left wanting, bar a brief return for our Brighton tour, where he mainly slept and went for a run.
James Gilbert - While fellow opening bowler Robinson's gentle demeanour brings to mind the genial Mr. Barrowclough from Porridge, Gilbert aspires to the image of the angry and harsh Mr Mackay - as many a dawdling fielder has found out. He actually would ban Christmas celebrations if a catch were dropped off his bowling. A mounting wickets column demonstrates that his aggression makes him the perfect foil to the affable Robinson. The team's sharpest dresser, James takes more shirts on tour than the rest of the team combined, and is the world's only owner of a double platinum Charles Tyrwhitt loyalty card. As a batsman, James's best performance came when he was stranded on an unbeaten 49* - nothing has been seen since of the unfortunate number 11 who got out before James could reach 50.
Joshua "Peffers" Peffers - Careering into the side in 2019, powered by dual engines of wide-eyed enthusiasm and Benson & Hedges, what Peffers lacks in experience and technical ability, he easily makes up for in team organisation and literal financial investment (RIP Dove Construction). Introduced by Henry to bolster our bowling attack, reinforce the lower middle order and inject some much-needed bravado and maleficence into the disappointingly apathetic beta male Hendricks locker room environment, Peffers swiftly established himself as a reliable source of hugely unpredictable bowling at crucial stages in games - picking up a number of wickets in the process. Peffers has been through the mill since joining the Hendrick's, including relocating his business to the BVI and relocating a significant portion of his spine during a particularly heavy night on the paracetamol. He still delivers much of the team's spiciest chat and continues to drive around in a massive truck despite little evident need.
Owez "Mad" Madhani - Owez joined the side in 2018, lured by the prospect of appearing alongside his fellow medic, Tim Saunders. Such was his enthusiasm, that at times we were unsure if he was being sarcastic. Upon closer inspection, and longer spent playing together, it has become clear he was definitely not being sarcastic. Owez brings huge energy to the team, as well as medical expertise, and has proven a dependable upper order batsman when he's not busy buying new kitchens at B&Q or getting too drunk the night before and casually turning up 4 hours late. Early on in his career he also made some valiant attempts to bowl, which sadly have dried up recently. Forever smiling, Owez once chipped a tooth playing a forward defensive and has since sported a more serious look behind a helmet when gracing the wicket.
Will Pitt- Will joined the team in its third year following the mass exodus of a number of regulars to fulfil their lifelong ambitions of moving to the smoke and working in professional services. Will was welcomed into the team as a bowler who possesses some nip and a middle-order pinch hitter. A man who has the utmost disdain at even the thought of giving himself a couple of balls to play himself in, Will's innings are always entertaining however oftentimes easily missed on account of one’s having to blink. It is also claimed that Will was responsible for the original re-write of Gala's 90s classic 'Freed from Desire' which was then bastardised by fans of the Northern Irish striker Will Grigg and popularised at a sporting event that received a similar level of support and media exposure to the 2016 tour. Debate continues to rage over who plagiarised the plagiariser. Currently taking a rather too-long sabbatical in the U.S. of A., we hope he will return one sunny day.