It was a season that started under heavy skies and driving rain, finishing on pitches so dry the ground was like concrete and the grass shards of glass (although that may also have been the various smashed beer bottles that litter London’s less salubrious pitches). It was one that featured more new names than this year’s British Cabinet Office, with no fewer than 18 debutants claiming their first Hendrick’s cap.
Amid a typically tumultuous summer, the team have continued their steady slide (upwards) towards mediocrity. There were flashes of accidental, coincidental quality – quickly swept aside to allow normal service to resume – that kept the great cricketing machine crunching on.
That was in no small measure down the efforts of five fine fellows, who stood out for their commitment to the cause, steely resilience and occasional petulance. This is the story of that season, and of those dashing rogue heroes. This is the tale of 2022.
Amid a typically tumultuous summer, the team have continued their steady slide (upwards) towards mediocrity. There were flashes of accidental, coincidental quality – quickly swept aside to allow normal service to resume – that kept the great cricketing machine crunching on.
That was in no small measure down the efforts of five fine fellows, who stood out for their commitment to the cause, steely resilience and occasional petulance. This is the story of that season, and of those dashing rogue heroes. This is the tale of 2022.
Best Bowler: Jack Gelsthorpe
Matches: 11, Overs: 56, Maidens: 2, Runs conceded: 354, Wickets: 13, Average: 27.2, Economy: 6.3, Best bowling: 4-16
Much like the exhausting relay of Conservative Prime Ministers in recent years, the heavy crown of Hendrick’s XI bowler-in-chief has sat atop many heads. Household names like Gilbert, Robinson, Shah and Swift Drake are among – and indeed the only – other players to have had their names engraved on the honours board (/battered old cricket ball). This season, it was the turn of tireless servant Jack Gelsthorpe to claim the mantle.
After being on the periphery of the club for several years through a network of university acquaintances, peering over the fence like some cricketing voyeur, he finally made his debut during the pandemic-ravaged years. But 2022 would prove to be a breakthrough campaign as he impressed with bat as well as ball, and captained the side for the first time, all while commuting from his “bucolic paradise” in Orpington.
He set out his stall in the curtain raiser against Railway Taveners, an afternoon during which the rain literally did not cease failing upon Regents Park, and the team began a season-long tradition of fielding no more than nine players per match. Particularly comical was Owez Madhani video-calling captain James Hewlett minutes before kick-off, apparently from his “sick bed”, to complain of a horrendous illness, only to later materialise (two-thirds of the way through the game) after shaking off the worst of his hangover before going into bat and being dismissed first ball.
It was in the face of such unforeseen pressures and ferocious incompetence that Gelsthorpe managed to excel that day – and across the season at large. Bowling tidily with a ball more swollen and misshapen than Boris Johnson after a particularly heavy lockdown party at No.10, he ensnared a couple of middle order wickets before scoring a very handy 18 not out (in a top six that otherwise contributed 17 between them).
After being on the periphery of the club for several years through a network of university acquaintances, peering over the fence like some cricketing voyeur, he finally made his debut during the pandemic-ravaged years. But 2022 would prove to be a breakthrough campaign as he impressed with bat as well as ball, and captained the side for the first time, all while commuting from his “bucolic paradise” in Orpington.
He set out his stall in the curtain raiser against Railway Taveners, an afternoon during which the rain literally did not cease failing upon Regents Park, and the team began a season-long tradition of fielding no more than nine players per match. Particularly comical was Owez Madhani video-calling captain James Hewlett minutes before kick-off, apparently from his “sick bed”, to complain of a horrendous illness, only to later materialise (two-thirds of the way through the game) after shaking off the worst of his hangover before going into bat and being dismissed first ball.
It was in the face of such unforeseen pressures and ferocious incompetence that Gelsthorpe managed to excel that day – and across the season at large. Bowling tidily with a ball more swollen and misshapen than Boris Johnson after a particularly heavy lockdown party at No.10, he ensnared a couple of middle order wickets before scoring a very handy 18 not out (in a top six that otherwise contributed 17 between them).
Outside his bowling consistency and batting solidity, his on-field contributions in the form of low-key but always hilarious outbursts of frustration would also come to define an iconic summer. Such classics as “I can’t bloody buy a wicket this season”; “Yes I would like to be taken off now”; and “For fuck’s sake, Ajay, not again!” will live long in the memory, alongside his impressive roster of cold, hard stats.
Indeed, his season was only denied what would have been the fitting pinnacle of a rare Hendrick’s five-fer in a truly shameful chapter for the club. After Gelsthorpe had taken 4-16 to reduce opposition Chumpshire to their final wicket stand, skipper Henry Wickham not only removed his strike bowler from the attack but also brought himself on to bowl and duly took the final wicket, in what will always be remembered as one of the most egregious abuses of authority in the team’s history.
It is to his credit that such a scandalous piece of captaincy was taken in such good grace (at least at the time). A strong second half to the season followed in which he picked up exactly one wicket in almost every match with his pretty-much-genuine off breaks, as he continued to climb the bowling leaderboard. Accepting his award slightly drunkenly, in absentia, he managed to tap out a heartwarming message to reflect on the year’s achievements:
"To paraphrase, many thanks. I’m sorry it came to this. This is for all the loopy shithouses out there. God bless Hendrick’s and all who ride in her. Or something like that."
Memorable words, and a memorable season. Congrats, Jack.
Indeed, his season was only denied what would have been the fitting pinnacle of a rare Hendrick’s five-fer in a truly shameful chapter for the club. After Gelsthorpe had taken 4-16 to reduce opposition Chumpshire to their final wicket stand, skipper Henry Wickham not only removed his strike bowler from the attack but also brought himself on to bowl and duly took the final wicket, in what will always be remembered as one of the most egregious abuses of authority in the team’s history.
It is to his credit that such a scandalous piece of captaincy was taken in such good grace (at least at the time). A strong second half to the season followed in which he picked up exactly one wicket in almost every match with his pretty-much-genuine off breaks, as he continued to climb the bowling leaderboard. Accepting his award slightly drunkenly, in absentia, he managed to tap out a heartwarming message to reflect on the year’s achievements:
"To paraphrase, many thanks. I’m sorry it came to this. This is for all the loopy shithouses out there. God bless Hendrick’s and all who ride in her. Or something like that."
Memorable words, and a memorable season. Congrats, Jack.
Best Batter: Ross Quest
Matches: 6, Runs scored: 286, Average: 57.2, Strike rate: 111, Highest score: 163*, Fours: 49, Sixes: 6
Like the rising of the sun and dropping of catches, some things in life remain constant. Add to that list the relentless scoring of runs by the finely tuned cricket machine that is Ross Quest. This year he took top honours despite only saddling himself with the burden of playing for the Hendrick’s XI midway through the season, and playing less than half of the fixtures.
A month spent in Slovenia, preparing for an Ironman Triathlon in his ideal setting of complete and utter – some would say crushing – isolation, delayed his entry into the fray. Several weeks passed as he endured a 1980’s-style training montage, dragging logs up hills, swimming across lakes and manfully flogging his bare back as he tuned up for his newfound sport.
Quest eventually arrived back even slimmer, legs even more finely waxed than usual, although still with the same comforting sense of ennui, to help the side to their first victory of the season against Pelicans CC. An opening stand of 37 alongside old compadre Qas Khattak took the pair past 500 runs scored in partnership together, before an imperious 75 off 43 balls from new man Callum McCulloch took them over the line.
True to form, Quest then wasn’t seen again for quite some time. He finally resurfaced over a month later for the freshly minted Sussex Tour, which would prove to be the scene of his finest triumph in Hendrick’s colours.
A gloriously sunny Saturday saw the team wilt against Ferring CC, with Josh Peffers nobly battling through a broken ankle and crushed vertebrae, while Tom Nowlan’s two fine catches behind the stumps cost him the use of his hand for several weeks after suffering a possible dislocated finger.
A month spent in Slovenia, preparing for an Ironman Triathlon in his ideal setting of complete and utter – some would say crushing – isolation, delayed his entry into the fray. Several weeks passed as he endured a 1980’s-style training montage, dragging logs up hills, swimming across lakes and manfully flogging his bare back as he tuned up for his newfound sport.
Quest eventually arrived back even slimmer, legs even more finely waxed than usual, although still with the same comforting sense of ennui, to help the side to their first victory of the season against Pelicans CC. An opening stand of 37 alongside old compadre Qas Khattak took the pair past 500 runs scored in partnership together, before an imperious 75 off 43 balls from new man Callum McCulloch took them over the line.
True to form, Quest then wasn’t seen again for quite some time. He finally resurfaced over a month later for the freshly minted Sussex Tour, which would prove to be the scene of his finest triumph in Hendrick’s colours.
A gloriously sunny Saturday saw the team wilt against Ferring CC, with Josh Peffers nobly battling through a broken ankle and crushed vertebrae, while Tom Nowlan’s two fine catches behind the stumps cost him the use of his hand for several weeks after suffering a possible dislocated finger.
Chasing an imposing 260 to win, Quest quickly found himself short on support. Opening partner Hewlett shuffled off after five balls, before Khattak become the only other player to crack double figures.
Fortunately for the Hendrick’s XI, this was a timed game, and as such the door remained ajar for battling, entirely undeserved draw. As a slew of ducks and single figure contributions followed, the talismanic triathlete quickly switched to ‘batting with the tail’ mode, farming the strike and shielding his hapless teammates from any more than a ball or two per over.
Incoming batters were offered sage advice as they arrived at the crease, the occasional “You’re not here to bat” or “Don’t even think about running before ball five” the only words to pass his lips as he achieved a state of zen-like concentration to haul the side onwards. Particularly impressive was the eighth-wicket stand with Shah of 42 runs, only one of which wasn’t from the bat of Quest.
Such was his explosive brilliance, caning 26 fours and six sixes, there was even whispered talk of an insanely improbable victory by the time Peffers hobbled to the crease with Wickham deputising as runner. “Sit down, Wickers, you won’t be going anywhere” he boomed down to the non-strikers end as the side finally crawled into the final over and towards salvation.
The match was eventually drawn, while Quest returned to the top of the honours board with the highest-ever Hendrick’s score of 163 not out. His words before the end of season dinner were, however, somewhat less emotive than Gelsthorpe’s, reading like a telegram dispatched hastily from the frontline of the 1899 Boer War.
“Won’t make it tonight *STOP* Riding home *STOP* Might not be available much next year *STOP* More triathlons planned *STOP* Best, Quest *END*”
We hope to see him again at some stage.
Fortunately for the Hendrick’s XI, this was a timed game, and as such the door remained ajar for battling, entirely undeserved draw. As a slew of ducks and single figure contributions followed, the talismanic triathlete quickly switched to ‘batting with the tail’ mode, farming the strike and shielding his hapless teammates from any more than a ball or two per over.
Incoming batters were offered sage advice as they arrived at the crease, the occasional “You’re not here to bat” or “Don’t even think about running before ball five” the only words to pass his lips as he achieved a state of zen-like concentration to haul the side onwards. Particularly impressive was the eighth-wicket stand with Shah of 42 runs, only one of which wasn’t from the bat of Quest.
Such was his explosive brilliance, caning 26 fours and six sixes, there was even whispered talk of an insanely improbable victory by the time Peffers hobbled to the crease with Wickham deputising as runner. “Sit down, Wickers, you won’t be going anywhere” he boomed down to the non-strikers end as the side finally crawled into the final over and towards salvation.
The match was eventually drawn, while Quest returned to the top of the honours board with the highest-ever Hendrick’s score of 163 not out. His words before the end of season dinner were, however, somewhat less emotive than Gelsthorpe’s, reading like a telegram dispatched hastily from the frontline of the 1899 Boer War.
“Won’t make it tonight *STOP* Riding home *STOP* Might not be available much next year *STOP* More triathlons planned *STOP* Best, Quest *END*”
We hope to see him again at some stage.
Champagne Moment: James Hewlett
Awarded for: Scoring 90 from 137 balls in an opening stand of 145 with Jamie Swift Drake
The controversially titled ‘Champagne* Moment’ (*Co-op Cava) has attracted great debate among the Hendrick’s ranks since its inception, primarily due to most of the ‘moments’ nominated being lengthy, often tedious periods of play rather than effervescent, cork-popping slices of individual brilliance.
This year’s winner was certainly not one of the latter, but there can be little doubt about its worthiness of the crown. James ‘Big V’ Hewlett is not a man known for his destructive batting, having become synonymous with a more attritional, low-scoring variety of the discipline, but events on Thursday 2nd June showed an electric new dimension to his approach.
This season, the swiftly renamed ‘Platty Joobs' weekend (RIP the Queen) played host to the famous Hendrick’s v Plastics Test Match. The first edition of this epic two-dayer finished in a magnificent, magnetic, final-over draw in 2021, and expectations were high for another gripping waste of a perfectly good Bank Holiday.
It did not disappoint. In what was an otherwise patchy summer with bat in hand, the great man produced the most scintillating knock of his 12-year Hendrick’s career in this showpiece of the cricketing calendar.
Erstwhile club figurehead Tim Saunders, temporarily returned from his remote existence in the Scottish borderlands, promptly reclaimed the captaincy only to find himself short on opening batters – and players in general.
Peffers had dramatically fallen from a piece of second-floor guttering, having locked himself out of his flat the previous night, and eventually checked himself into A&E. Nowlan, meanwhile, had enjoyed an especially heavy evening at new favourite haunt The Groucho Club and attempted to excuse himself from duty later that morning with excuses of nieces requiring babysitting and grannies in need of jubilee afternoon tea.
This year’s winner was certainly not one of the latter, but there can be little doubt about its worthiness of the crown. James ‘Big V’ Hewlett is not a man known for his destructive batting, having become synonymous with a more attritional, low-scoring variety of the discipline, but events on Thursday 2nd June showed an electric new dimension to his approach.
This season, the swiftly renamed ‘Platty Joobs' weekend (RIP the Queen) played host to the famous Hendrick’s v Plastics Test Match. The first edition of this epic two-dayer finished in a magnificent, magnetic, final-over draw in 2021, and expectations were high for another gripping waste of a perfectly good Bank Holiday.
It did not disappoint. In what was an otherwise patchy summer with bat in hand, the great man produced the most scintillating knock of his 12-year Hendrick’s career in this showpiece of the cricketing calendar.
Erstwhile club figurehead Tim Saunders, temporarily returned from his remote existence in the Scottish borderlands, promptly reclaimed the captaincy only to find himself short on opening batters – and players in general.
Peffers had dramatically fallen from a piece of second-floor guttering, having locked himself out of his flat the previous night, and eventually checked himself into A&E. Nowlan, meanwhile, had enjoyed an especially heavy evening at new favourite haunt The Groucho Club and attempted to excuse himself from duty later that morning with excuses of nieces requiring babysitting and grannies in need of jubilee afternoon tea.
It was against this dearth of options that Hewlett was sent out to open alongside Jamie Swift Drake, whose previous highest position in the batting order had been as a Jack Leach-esque number nine. But it would prove to be an inspired decision, the unlikely duo finding the artificial surface to their liking as they started cautiously and grew in confidence.
Having batted through the entirety of the morning session, the two men matched each other run for run, smashing past their previous top scores and on towards unlikely maiden half-centuries. As they edged up to 47, 48, 49… the tension was sliceable with a reasonable quality kitchen blade. All on the boundary were on the edge of their picnic blankets.
And then, rapturous applause and cheers through mouthfuls of cake, as they both notched the milestone in successive overs. Bats humbly raised, fists bumped, celebrations almost identical aside from Swift Drake having to remove his helmet while Hewlett wore only his cap – despite having lost a sizeable chunk of his front tooth just two weeks earlier after top-edging one into his face.
Swift Drake would depart for an excellent 61 with the score on 140, but Hewlett stuck around, in spite of his efforts to throw away his wicket. After attempting to retire at 50, perhaps mindful of the average-augmenting effects the red ink would have when he updated the statistical database later that week, Saunders insisted he play on – and was rewarded with a remarkable display of power hitting down the ground and through midwicket. The shackles finally off after more than a decade of self-imposed restraint.
A flurry of runs in partnership with outrageously competent ringer Max Latchmore (who would go on to be Hendrick’s second highest scorer across the season, despite only playing once more) saw him rack up no fewer than 90 runs, eventually helping the side to their highest-ever total of 302-6 declared.
Despite then contriving to lose the Test following one of the most sensational comebacks in the history of the sport, as the Plastics produced both probing bowling and barnstorming batting, the painful defeat did little to detract from the weight of the Big V’s accomplishment.
But, much like a band releasing an absolutely banger of a debut album only to struggle with tortured experimentation and questionable creative choices throughout the rest of their careers, it proved to be an early high-point. Nevertheless, Hewlett would finish the season third on the run charts (with one of his brisker strike rates of 54) and become just the fifth Hendrick’s player to pass 500 in their career.
So, to finish, let us bask in the gentle glow of comments made by some of those fine gentleman to have nominated him for the prestigious bottle of bubbly.
“A pleasure to watch, and to score”
—Tom Metcalf, bowler of lovely, loopy, left-arm, Anchor Award winner 2022
“An epic stand”
—James Gilbert, angry leading wicket-taker, Bowler of the Year 2018
“Huge shock factor, and will never be repeated”
—Ajay Shah, specialist number 11, Bowler of the Year 2020
Having batted through the entirety of the morning session, the two men matched each other run for run, smashing past their previous top scores and on towards unlikely maiden half-centuries. As they edged up to 47, 48, 49… the tension was sliceable with a reasonable quality kitchen blade. All on the boundary were on the edge of their picnic blankets.
And then, rapturous applause and cheers through mouthfuls of cake, as they both notched the milestone in successive overs. Bats humbly raised, fists bumped, celebrations almost identical aside from Swift Drake having to remove his helmet while Hewlett wore only his cap – despite having lost a sizeable chunk of his front tooth just two weeks earlier after top-edging one into his face.
Swift Drake would depart for an excellent 61 with the score on 140, but Hewlett stuck around, in spite of his efforts to throw away his wicket. After attempting to retire at 50, perhaps mindful of the average-augmenting effects the red ink would have when he updated the statistical database later that week, Saunders insisted he play on – and was rewarded with a remarkable display of power hitting down the ground and through midwicket. The shackles finally off after more than a decade of self-imposed restraint.
A flurry of runs in partnership with outrageously competent ringer Max Latchmore (who would go on to be Hendrick’s second highest scorer across the season, despite only playing once more) saw him rack up no fewer than 90 runs, eventually helping the side to their highest-ever total of 302-6 declared.
Despite then contriving to lose the Test following one of the most sensational comebacks in the history of the sport, as the Plastics produced both probing bowling and barnstorming batting, the painful defeat did little to detract from the weight of the Big V’s accomplishment.
But, much like a band releasing an absolutely banger of a debut album only to struggle with tortured experimentation and questionable creative choices throughout the rest of their careers, it proved to be an early high-point. Nevertheless, Hewlett would finish the season third on the run charts (with one of his brisker strike rates of 54) and become just the fifth Hendrick’s player to pass 500 in their career.
So, to finish, let us bask in the gentle glow of comments made by some of those fine gentleman to have nominated him for the prestigious bottle of bubbly.
“A pleasure to watch, and to score”
—Tom Metcalf, bowler of lovely, loopy, left-arm, Anchor Award winner 2022
“An epic stand”
—James Gilbert, angry leading wicket-taker, Bowler of the Year 2018
“Huge shock factor, and will never be repeated”
—Ajay Shah, specialist number 11, Bowler of the Year 2020
Anchor Award: Tom Metcalf
Matches: 5, Innings: 4, Runs: 25, Average: 6.3, Strike rate: 32, Highest score: 13, Fours: 3
The Anchor Award, so called for the odd piece of heavily weathered memorabilia club co-founder Saunders once picked up in a charity shop, is given to the player with the lowest strike rate after facing at least 60 balls across the season. The rock around which the rest of the team bats – or at least tries to.
And there could surely be no finer winner than stodgy, forward-defence specialist Tom Metcalf. Another seasoned Hendrick’s stalwart now troubling himself with increasingly little playing time since his defection to Bristol last year, his accession to the title of Anchor Emeritus was all the more impressive.
He sashayed back to London for his first game in the Plastics Test Match. Robbed of a chance to ply his miserly trade in the first innings following the declaration, he was ‘let loose’ in the second, with a trademark innings of seven from 24 balls, as the the team staggered from their search for quick runs to the gritty grinding out of a competitive total as the batting predictably collapsed.
Those same instincts were once more on display in Sussex as he admirably blocked out six balls while trying to stay with Quest on his long vigil against Ferring, only to be caught at short cover off the seventh. Elevated to bat at three the next day against Palmers CC, he chiselled out a watchful five runs from 18 balls, impressively the only member of the line-up not to notch double figures, as Hendrick’s stumbled to a four-wicket defeat in the final over.
And there could surely be no finer winner than stodgy, forward-defence specialist Tom Metcalf. Another seasoned Hendrick’s stalwart now troubling himself with increasingly little playing time since his defection to Bristol last year, his accession to the title of Anchor Emeritus was all the more impressive.
He sashayed back to London for his first game in the Plastics Test Match. Robbed of a chance to ply his miserly trade in the first innings following the declaration, he was ‘let loose’ in the second, with a trademark innings of seven from 24 balls, as the the team staggered from their search for quick runs to the gritty grinding out of a competitive total as the batting predictably collapsed.
Those same instincts were once more on display in Sussex as he admirably blocked out six balls while trying to stay with Quest on his long vigil against Ferring, only to be caught at short cover off the seventh. Elevated to bat at three the next day against Palmers CC, he chiselled out a watchful five runs from 18 balls, impressively the only member of the line-up not to notch double figures, as Hendrick’s stumbled to a four-wicket defeat in the final over.
But he saved his best work for the Oxford tour – his spiritual homeland and home of some of his most spirited performances (possibly). Eschewing the opportunity to bat against the delightfully named Hartley Wintney to save a box-office knock for old adversaries the Bodleian Library CC, he opened the batting with old chum Gelsthorpe.
The pair duly dropped anchor, going about their work with the patience and concentration-sapping watchfulness of proper Test veterans. With the required rate at 6.22 at the start of the innings, this was clearly a ploy to take the game deep and provide a platform for the more pyrotechnical batsmen to explode from later on.
A season high-score of 13 (off 30) matched the similarly circumspect 21 (61) from Gelsthorpe, in an opening stand of 40. Regrettably, the planned-for fireworks never materialised, and the Hendrick’s XI rounded the season off fittingly with another reasonably comfortable defeat. Nevertheless, it was fine work from a fine man.
On an unseasonably warm October night, we caught up with Metcalf after the awards ceremony, and he was quick to offer some effusive words from the West Country.
“I’m honoured to receive the prized Anchor Award, although I’m not sure if going from winning the Champagne Moment for hitting a six one year to a strike rate of 24 the next is necessarily a step in the right direction.”
We were quick to reassure him that it showed remarkable versatility, an ability to adapt to conditions and play the type of game required in high-pressure scenarios. Intelligent cricket reminiscent of six-hitting England skipper Ben Stokes. Bravo, young Tom.
The pair duly dropped anchor, going about their work with the patience and concentration-sapping watchfulness of proper Test veterans. With the required rate at 6.22 at the start of the innings, this was clearly a ploy to take the game deep and provide a platform for the more pyrotechnical batsmen to explode from later on.
A season high-score of 13 (off 30) matched the similarly circumspect 21 (61) from Gelsthorpe, in an opening stand of 40. Regrettably, the planned-for fireworks never materialised, and the Hendrick’s XI rounded the season off fittingly with another reasonably comfortable defeat. Nevertheless, it was fine work from a fine man.
On an unseasonably warm October night, we caught up with Metcalf after the awards ceremony, and he was quick to offer some effusive words from the West Country.
“I’m honoured to receive the prized Anchor Award, although I’m not sure if going from winning the Champagne Moment for hitting a six one year to a strike rate of 24 the next is necessarily a step in the right direction.”
We were quick to reassure him that it showed remarkable versatility, an ability to adapt to conditions and play the type of game required in high-pressure scenarios. Intelligent cricket reminiscent of six-hitting England skipper Ben Stokes. Bravo, young Tom.
Players’ Player: Ravi Patel
Batting
Matches: 4, Runs scored: 107, Average: 26.8, Strike rate: 91, Highest score: 38, Fours: 17
Bowling
Matches: 4, Overs: 17, Maidens: 0, Runs conceded: 77, Wickets: 4, Average: 19.3, Economy: 4.5, Best bowling: 3-27
Matches: 4, Runs scored: 107, Average: 26.8, Strike rate: 91, Highest score: 38, Fours: 17
Bowling
Matches: 4, Overs: 17, Maidens: 0, Runs conceded: 77, Wickets: 4, Average: 19.3, Economy: 4.5, Best bowling: 3-27
There are many words to describe one of the Hendrick’s most storied yet shadowy figures. Cricketing enigma. Wildly enthusiastic. Downright infuriating. A man as well known for his last-minute withdrawals from matches due to ‘accountancy exam fatigue’ as for his mercurial exploits on the field.
But 2022 was his time, for a number of reasons. In a year in which he also got married, in what we assume was an extensively well-photographed celebration, it’s safe to say that being voted Players’ Player by his adoring teammates was still the highlight.
The season had started promisingly after turning up for April’s intra-squad fixture with a small dog only marginally more excitable than the man himself, and unfurling a series of his languid, trademark cover drives. Characteristically, he then went AWOL for the next two and a half months, in a beautifully choreographed attempt to build the anticipation ahead of his eventual, glorious return.
The only communiques received from him – other than a short note to say he had to drop out of the Taveners game the day before, having apparently forgotten he had a wedding (his own) to plan and attend later that month – was the occasional “Looooool” or “No way! [winky face with tongue stuck out emoji]”.
But come back he did, and in serious style. On a blazing afternoon down in Hove, head freshly shaven and aviator sunglasses perched atop a fashionably bearded face, Patel swaggered back into the club’s narrative to write a remarkable new chapter.
Alongside another lesser-spotted Hendrick’s legend, agricultural swatter Ed Robinson, he played one of his most accomplished knocks for the team. Building a tidy first innings platform in a riotous partnership of 65, Patel made a fabulous quarter-century while his partner claimed a maiden 50. Later, in a moment that received several ‘Champagne’ nominations, he was almost lapped by a charging Hewlett going for a third run in one of the finest physical mismatches ever seen on a cricket pitch.
But 2022 was his time, for a number of reasons. In a year in which he also got married, in what we assume was an extensively well-photographed celebration, it’s safe to say that being voted Players’ Player by his adoring teammates was still the highlight.
The season had started promisingly after turning up for April’s intra-squad fixture with a small dog only marginally more excitable than the man himself, and unfurling a series of his languid, trademark cover drives. Characteristically, he then went AWOL for the next two and a half months, in a beautifully choreographed attempt to build the anticipation ahead of his eventual, glorious return.
The only communiques received from him – other than a short note to say he had to drop out of the Taveners game the day before, having apparently forgotten he had a wedding (his own) to plan and attend later that month – was the occasional “Looooool” or “No way! [winky face with tongue stuck out emoji]”.
But come back he did, and in serious style. On a blazing afternoon down in Hove, head freshly shaven and aviator sunglasses perched atop a fashionably bearded face, Patel swaggered back into the club’s narrative to write a remarkable new chapter.
Alongside another lesser-spotted Hendrick’s legend, agricultural swatter Ed Robinson, he played one of his most accomplished knocks for the team. Building a tidy first innings platform in a riotous partnership of 65, Patel made a fabulous quarter-century while his partner claimed a maiden 50. Later, in a moment that received several ‘Champagne’ nominations, he was almost lapped by a charging Hewlett going for a third run in one of the finest physical mismatches ever seen on a cricket pitch.
With star bowler Robinson then politely and repeatedly declining the invitation to bowl, in a display of sporting insubordination not seen since Kepa Arrizabalaga refused to be substituted by Maurizio Sarri, the stage was set once more for our Players’ Player.
He opened the bowling with his usual sky-high levels of self-confidence, throwing cheeky glances at the skipper to indicate that he would, in fact, be taking another over whenever there was so much as a hint he might be taken out of the attack.
A similar performance followed against the alarmingly quick barrage served up by Extras CC, as he bravely faced down some lightning fast bowling. James Allan had earlier continued his fine debut season at the top of the order, notching up another half century, while there was some tidy work from messers Khattak and Madhani in the middle order.
In the second innings, another typically probing spell with the ball yielded three wickets. While Patel finished as the pick of the bowlers with season-best figures, it wasn’t enough to avert a stinging five-wicket defeat. But it was the parched fields of Oxford that he would save for his magnum opus.
A mighty assault on the bowling against Hartley Wintney saw him plunder 38 runs from just 40 balls, top scoring in one of the all-time great Hendrick’s middle order displays. Having powered the side to a memorable 21-run victory, he was still thirsty for more the following day as the tourists faced off with old foes Bodleian.
Another barnstorming cameo with bat in hand – peeling off 29 at more than a run a ball – was sadly not enough to avert a shambling defeat, but it did cement his status as cult icon and new Hendrick’s hero. The bravado, bluster and Ravindra Jajeda bat- and moustache-twirling flair finally paired with a fine body of on-field work to match.
When nominations opened for Players’ Player, he secured a landslide of support not seen since Johnson sleazed his way into Downing Street, walking away with a whopping 50% of the popular vote. We end with a collection of quotes summarising what made him such a uniquely dynamic figure.
“Classy contributions with the bat this season, and boundless enthusiasm for the game”
“He has surprised me this year. Still bad at running, but [shoulder shrug emoji]”
“Ravi. Because, Ravi.”
Upon hearing of the good news, the man himself replied in typically stately and dignified fashion: “Booom!!!!! Lol. How can I collect my cheque?”
Winner of hearts and minds, the people’s champion, through and though. It will make his inevitable non-appearance at most of next season’s games all the harder to take. But, until then, we salute you, Ravi.
He opened the bowling with his usual sky-high levels of self-confidence, throwing cheeky glances at the skipper to indicate that he would, in fact, be taking another over whenever there was so much as a hint he might be taken out of the attack.
A similar performance followed against the alarmingly quick barrage served up by Extras CC, as he bravely faced down some lightning fast bowling. James Allan had earlier continued his fine debut season at the top of the order, notching up another half century, while there was some tidy work from messers Khattak and Madhani in the middle order.
In the second innings, another typically probing spell with the ball yielded three wickets. While Patel finished as the pick of the bowlers with season-best figures, it wasn’t enough to avert a stinging five-wicket defeat. But it was the parched fields of Oxford that he would save for his magnum opus.
A mighty assault on the bowling against Hartley Wintney saw him plunder 38 runs from just 40 balls, top scoring in one of the all-time great Hendrick’s middle order displays. Having powered the side to a memorable 21-run victory, he was still thirsty for more the following day as the tourists faced off with old foes Bodleian.
Another barnstorming cameo with bat in hand – peeling off 29 at more than a run a ball – was sadly not enough to avert a shambling defeat, but it did cement his status as cult icon and new Hendrick’s hero. The bravado, bluster and Ravindra Jajeda bat- and moustache-twirling flair finally paired with a fine body of on-field work to match.
When nominations opened for Players’ Player, he secured a landslide of support not seen since Johnson sleazed his way into Downing Street, walking away with a whopping 50% of the popular vote. We end with a collection of quotes summarising what made him such a uniquely dynamic figure.
“Classy contributions with the bat this season, and boundless enthusiasm for the game”
“He has surprised me this year. Still bad at running, but [shoulder shrug emoji]”
“Ravi. Because, Ravi.”
Upon hearing of the good news, the man himself replied in typically stately and dignified fashion: “Booom!!!!! Lol. How can I collect my cheque?”
Winner of hearts and minds, the people’s champion, through and though. It will make his inevitable non-appearance at most of next season’s games all the harder to take. But, until then, we salute you, Ravi.